Honestly I still cannot fully believe that I really jumped from a five meter high spring board this Tuesday in the swimming pool, for the first time in my life. Yes, it was a BIG thing. It was absolutely big because I had to overcome my fear from loosing control.

Since last Friday, a topic was working inside of me. It was about letting go my fear of losing control, my fear of simply jumping to the unknown – of not being able to go back while you are in full flight. What shall I say? On Tuesday I thought: “It’s so cold today. How about spending a few hours in the sauna?” And there I was sitting in the restaurant of the swimming pool, having lunch before I went in – looking to my left to the spring board – flirting with me. And it was as if it called me: “You’re gonna jump today!” And I answered: “Cool idea – why not?”.

I swam a few length in the pool and then walked over to the lifeguard and told him that I want to jump – for the first time of my life. “Will you save me when I drown?”, I asked him. He: “No, I don’t want to get wet.”, was his kind answer and he added, “just slip through under the blockage.”

And I went over to the diving tower. Took the first steps – had to crawl under a chain that said “Closed! – Entrance not permitted”. And climbed upwards to the three meter high spring board – looking downwards to the water. The lifeguard and a teenager stood next to the pool, looking at me and pointing upwards. “Are you sure? Am I supposed to take the higher board?”, I asked by looking at them. Both of them nodded. I climbed higher. All of a sudden I noticed a school class of teenagers looking at me through the window of the entrance, all of them cheering me up. “Is this really happening?”, I asked myself. Somehow feeling a lot of confidence inside of me. And there I was, standing at the five meter spring board, looking down into the water. I stood there, checking in with me. Checking in into my inner voices. And there was nothing. So I thought, prepare yourself. So I adjusted my swimming goggles and my bathing cap – both still on me from the swimming earlier on.

And then I realized that it’s not really a jump, it’s just one step that you take into unknown territory, into a world where there is no floor under your feet. It’s no big thing – it’s just a tiny step.

My last thought before I took a step and landed in the air

And all of a sudden I was in the water. I don’t really know what happened during the flight. It felt like a shortcut – from upstairs to downstairs – from air to water – from outside to inside. I realized that there was water in my nose and that I was actually deep in the water. And I emerged.

I emerged – something else emerged. I emerged as a different person. The lifeguard and the teenager were still standing next to the pool, a bit concerned to be honest. But inside of me was just calmness and happiness. “I did it! I really did it! I jumped!” And then I realized that somehow my swimming goggles were gone and that the bathing hat nearly fell of my had. And they asked me: “Why did you look downwards? You tilted forwards during your jump.” And their question made me think – apparently I had completely wrong beliefs about jumping.

• You are supposed to prepare yourself! – And put on bathing swimming goggles before you jump. – Completely wrong! Nothing can protect you. You are your only protection.
• You have to see where you are going to land! – And look downwards when you jump to see the water. – Completely wrong! When you do this you will tilt forwards. Just take a step and look forwards.
• You loose all control when you jump! – And you cannot do anything, you are just like a rocket falling downwards. – Completely wrong! When you jump you better pay attention to your inner and outer composure.

And after realizing all these things, I jumped again! This time from the three meter spring board. For the higher one I was too agitated. It really felt as if a whole world of beliefs crashed in itself. And I ask myself and also you:

I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts …